Incursion, Ransoms, Haikus and Explosions

TFS Tibbs
Our Ransom Guru

The last post had my explaining to everyone that The Bastards have decided to increase our efforts in the ransoming department of our 'work'. Not to steal his thunder, I want to thank TFS Tibbs for organising this.


Ransomania - Stop the killing – make cash not war by TFS Tibbs

What: Ransomania - during the event contestants vie with each other to see who can ransom the most ships and capsules within a given timespan.
Who: Bastards only
When: Event will run from Tuesday 23rd November until Wednesday 22nd December
Where: Everywhere
Why: Ransoms are cool
How: See below

Rules:
Ransom everything that moves for one month
Results will be taken from the Bastards Ransom Board
Haikus – valued at estimated price of ship + fittings – or estimated implant value based on character age for capsules
All ransom attempts must use the Yarrsom Channel if possible
All prizes will be awarded after the event has finished

Prizes:
Pilot involved in the most ransoms:
First - 400m + shiny winners medal
Second - 200m
Third - Faction Frigate of choice

Highest ransom – Ransom will be matched – double your money:
Most ship ejections - 100m
Most solo ransoms - 100m
Most Haikus - 100m
Best Haiku – Mystery prize

Most ships lost by A Bastard during ransom attempts: 
First – 3 ships replaced
Second – 2 ships replaced
Third – 1 Ship replaced

Early Starter Dramiels:
First ship ejection - Dramiel
First solo ransom - Dramiel
First Haiku - Dramiel

Additional Prizes:
(JManZA) 1st person to solo ransom a ship 2 hull classes above the one being piloted - ie ransom a BC in a Frigate class ship - Pirate cruiser of your choice
(Viginti) First Singing Ransom - 100 mil plus a T2 fit BC of choice (fitting as well) must sing more than just chorus. Here is the song -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU
(z0de) The 'can you make z0de laugh' challenge - 50m
(Arrhidaeus) Most unreasonable ransomee - TBC

The ransom story so far...
We've had some prizes go already (mainly the Dramiels) and the it has been a hoot. However, our KB also tells us that there are plenty of people out there who are not playing the game and would prefer to shoot it out for us. Which is fair enough - while we're not elite PvPers; we usually bring enough firepower to reduce most ships we tackle to cinder.

Incursion into my realm?

Now it was with some surprise that I found my pod interface was upgraded since my last post. I have to say that I do like it. The subtle changes to the module icons is a nice touch too.

Explosions!
Of course, what type of post would this be without some form of boat violence? We've been very active and busy the last couple of weeks and over a much larger area. With the promotion of TheHermit as a Director at The Bastards, (since Raelyf was stepping down due to work life commitments) - it was decided that expanding our area of interest was in order and Hermit (with a jump clone) investigated and then relocated to Placid. Other pirates followed suit with other pirates setting up satellite offices in Amarr space, Syndicate and others. I always wanted 'chapters' in all areas of space and with excellent pirate food such as this rattlesnake, fun fights such as this one and ransoms such as this delicious one; the current area seems like a viable choice though I have been told that there is another area...will keep you all posted.

Pirates like us have to move as prey will not come over to us (how unsporting!) so we're roaming around further and it is good.

Hulkageddon IV
Yes, Helicity Boson of Python Cartel has started to make arrangements for the fourth instalment and as ever, The Bastards will be attending. We did very well in the last three tournaments: In the third tournament for example, we came in the top five in single player kills with 2nd, 3rd and 4th place respectively for Hermit, Leroxee & Tibbs and coming fourth in the overall corporation rankings. This achievement is even more remarkable considering our rivals (our friends really) are mostly all alliances (e.g. TEST Alliance Please, 0rphanage, B A N E, Hydra Reloaded etc)  and we're just a small corporation slipping in between the footsteps of these giant alliances.

Am keen to do better so am willing to listen to ideas from readers and importantly to take in donations of ships and isk to fund our cause. Remember, The Bastards live off the proceeds of piracy, we don't have renters, POS moon-goo, a piece of null-sec to rat in (what?), rich sugar daddies, etc. We try to maintain ourselves from ransoms, ransoms, ransoms, some extortions, outright theft and loot drops from ship explosions.

If someone donates a ship for HK IV to The Bastards; we will have your name on the ship and dedicate the exhumer kill to the pilot donating the ship. We might even leave a can with a message just from you to the unfortunate miner. Go on, you know you all want to!

Frigate roam and the need for faster points.

Getting back into the saddle is important for all pirates and last night I took out a small frigate gang for a wonder. Pickings were slim that night, with Jmarr snagging a thrasher in his incursus (great kill there mate!) with Persephone in support and us losing Maltrox's rifter to an alpha-striking absolution on a gate.

We did discover a strategic cruiser running a mission and we duly dropped probes for it but the pilot was alert and spotting the probes, exited the mission area and cloaked up. The system he was in had no stations so our conclusions were sound. Not wanting to waste time we moved quickly through - the roam was only going to be for a couple of hours and mid-way through; we had a change in personnel. We lost two and gained through - all pilots slotting into allocated positions smoothly.

A disappointment was not pointing a flashy zealot on a gate. I jumped last, to ensure that we had everyone through and when I got my bearings, there was a flashy (i.e. criminal) zealot. No-one had shouted 'POINT!' and as I ordered some pilots to point it, the zealot accelerated away and warped. We chased after it and lost it. In these circumstances, pilot's initiative should have kicked in and points and webs slapped onto the zealot as soon as we all appeared. Granted am only talking less than seven seconds but instincts should have been sharper if we are to capitalise on these opportunities. So sad panda.


Am running more T1 gangs at the moment to assist the newer pilots into integrating with each other's fleets. I am also using it as an opportunity to evaluate them under moderately high-pressure conditions. We have a three-month probation period after a recruit has been accepted. During these three months they will be accessed by their peers and a decision made on their continued inclusion by a majority vote.

The month of October has seen us hit over 1B isk in ransoms already. This time without the benefit of a single Kronos ransom for 500M isk. Well done chaps, well done. Also, loot sale and split is due to distribution to the interested parties - I have sold about 3.6B isk of loot in the last eight weeks and will be splitting them up between all the pirates. Due to a couple of weeks where I was away from the game, this transaction is now running later than I would like it.

Recruitment is going very well and I have been lax in keeping recruitment statistics up to date on the forum. My recruitment officers have been doing a fine job, I do miss the fun of working with applicants, or rejecting them out of hand (!) and I trust that my guys are doing a fine job. So I just want to thank them. Also, I have not done a pirate speed-linking or participated in a blog banter in a while. CK my friend, I am sorry! However, barring any other international humanitarian disaster - I should be slowly getting back on top of these little, but vital functions.

Finally, I have just got a replacement lachesis. I love this ship, who wouldn't love the ability to point something over 50KM away? Very tempted to get some more faction scramblers and disruptors on this puppy and I would be interested in seeing some ship setups if some of my readers care to share?

Da Boot

Some house keeping is essential and I have had the unpleasant job of releasing some inactive pirates from The Bastards. It is one of the reasons why I was elected as CEO. Our recruitment officers are doing a fine job fielding new candidates and I leave them to it now but we have to make room for the newer recruits in this organisation. I have drawn an initial list of seven candidates that fulfil the following categories:

1. Been inactive from corp for over 3 months (i.e. haven't logged in) or more.
2. No forum activity in the last 3 months or more.
3. No email, evemail or post stating their unavailability to anyone.
4. No activity on kill board.
5. No activity on the ransom board.
6. No activity on the EVE-O forums.

Real life is more important and The Bastards is as much of a community as a well as an in-game corporation but it is time to prune and remove some dead wood.

Their roles have been removed from corporation now and some have already been transferred over to a rather innocent organisation going by the name of 'Garoun Investment Bank'. Hope the new-found corp mates are friendly. As ever, as these pilots get transferred, I leave them an explanatory note with an offer to re-apply if the urge for piracy returns.

I would be greatly interested to find out from some of my readers how they handle such inactive pilots. Should they be retained? Kicked sooner?

1B isk in ransoms this month...

Last night, in a mixed fleet sprinkled with recruits we decided on a roam with z0de FC'ing. We chased and hunted but the prey was illusive however - Happy San made us all aware that we were 26.8million isk short of hitting 1B isk in ransoms for this month. This gave us an added incentive and it came from a most unlikely source: another pirate.

Lorem Silat was roaming around in his rifter and he managed to tackle someone ratting in a belt, z0de already poised to strike in a deep safe, saw an opportunity and went after both of the pilots. Not surprisingly, he lost both marks and there was much cursing. However, Raelyf and Zeasier managed to snag Lorem Silat 30 minutes later and decided to ransom the pirate's pod, with a full explanation of course for the specific sum of isk required for release. Lorem, kindly cooperated (well he was also webbed and pointed at this time) but he transferred over the required isk and our September ransom amount hit 1,000,000,000 isk.

There was much rejoicing!

Even more cheering when I checked and announced that our loot sales so far had also topped 1 billion isk as well. Only sold one third so far; so am expecting more isk in the near future. I hope that some of our recruits got to experience what it was like to fly with us. Even with no major kills on the night, it can be fun.

Phew - busy or what?

Just a quick shout out to all those fine pilots who have sent in their applications. We're flooded at the moment and it is mainly US TimeZone pilots who have answered the call. We're working through them as fast as possible but please, everyone read the FAQ and requirements. We've been turning down many a would-be pirate due to them not meeting the minimum requirements. Now, I hear you cry that SP does not maketh a pirate! I do agree to a point, as I look back fondly at the time when I was a low-sp pilot still figuring how to fit a rifter and wondering why the station guns were shooting me.

However, from experience - most of the pilots we are looking for tend to have SPs a little higher than our minimum and the points are placed optimally. It is simply not possible for a pilot to have the skills to tank sentry guns and tackle and kill something without a certain amount of experience and SP.

So, I have to give a special mention to our recruitment officers who have the uneviable task of application triage - they're being firm and fair with everyone and already, we're seeing the first set of pilots who have not made the cut. However, it isn't the end of a pirate's journey. We've had a couple of pilots initially failing the cut during the last cycle, decided on improving their skills, and came back and re-applied and got in.

Who said perserverence didn't help? Additionally, if the fit with us Bastards isn't there - we can happily point you towards some other fine pirate corps in the form of the Python Cartel or The Tuskers.

RECRUITMENT TO THE BASTARDS IS NOW...OPEN!

CLICKY HERE --> http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=788358

Full instructions and FAQs are on the website with links. This cycle will be open for a few weeks so you all have plenty of time to get the applications done to perfection.

I also have a cool new email: flashfresh@the-bastards.com!

FF

Anniversary part 2: donations

Many thanks to those who have donated monies and ships to this most fun and highly anticipated event. I have just under a dozen Bastards and Hellcats available and details will be sent to those who have requested a presence with the fleet. Also, thanks to the ship donations - your names will be kept confidential until the report in a week's time.

Have been busy fine-tuning our recruitment requirements as well as fixing some pages on our recruitment page(s) - here on the website, on the forum and our eve-online post. With Ard busy in real life; we may have to start a new thread on eve-online.

For those who have been evemailing me - please send an email to recruitment [at] the-bastards.com with your ingame name as the subject line. Also, keep an eye on the website for suitable links to our recruitment requirements and FAQ.

Life goes on in leaps and bounds and we're drooling over the proposed faction frigate / cruiser changes and this may influence the kick off date. We'll see.

Been busy over the weekend, took advantage of the sun and mountains and went for a long hike. Lovely!

F

The Hellcats and The Bastards in the news.

The Girls are in the news!
Our sister corps, the all-female pirate corp, The Hellcats have been featured in an ISD News report. A nice write-up and yes, they are real-life females. As part of the interview, there's a ventrilo interview and all ops require voice comms. No chance of an account sharing boyfriend jumping in now is there?

Also, The Bastards recruitment is open once more. Click on this link to get the low-down on how to apply and see if you are suitable. We have a FAQ available as well though I apologise for the poor formatting....

Actually, sod it. Here it is below, the current The Bastards FAQ.

Recruitment FAQ

Q) Why do I have to submit my Limited API Key?
A) This is so we can check on your skills, and see how to integrate you into the corp the best.

Q) Is the API Key mandatory?
A) Yes, you will not even be considered unless it is provided. No screen shots.

Q) Why do I have to participate in a corp operation before I can get into the corp?
A) This is to allow the corp to test you and also to see if you like the corp. If you do not want to participate during the trial application period, why bother?

Q) What do you guys do?
A) We are a low sec pirate corp. We kill everything. Mission runners, mining operations, belt ratters, haulers... if it's flying, it will soon be dying (or singing as part of a ransom).

Q) What are the corp rules?
A) Other than common sense rules, e.g. do not kill corp or fleet members, honour ransoms and do not start smack in local. We are professionals after all. We have a corp policy document that all pilots must read and sign up to.

Q) Do you accept trial accounts?
A) No.

Q) Is there an age limit?
A) We require members to be over the age of 18. Some waivers may be given on a case by case basis but this is very rare.

Q) Is there an SP limit?
A) We currently have 6.5mil SP limit. This is still generally regarded as quite low and assumes that the 6.5M SP is focused towards PvP.

Q) I want to be an uber pirate killing everyone! I want to make ships explode starting day one!
A) Okay not really a question, but... you can be useful day one on your account while pirating, but you wont be soloing Battleships in your tiny frigate. However, working as part of a team, you can help us take down these ships.

Q) I'm new to the game, but really really want to be a pirate. I'm brand new to pvp will you teach me?
A) We have specialists covering every field of the game but we are NOT a training academy. If you want to learn piracy, we can assist but we regret that we will not be taking your application any further.

Q) What kind of ships do you all fly?
A) We fly everything, from Interceptors to Battleships. It all depends on what and how we are hunting for that day. You can have fun in anything but fly only what you can afford to lose.

Q) Is Pod Killing ok?
A) We are pirates, of course it's okay! However, we tend to ransom the pod at all opportunities.

Q) How long do I have to wait after submitting my application to know if I have been successful?
A) Normally, two weeks but if you have been rejected in anyway - you will be informed IMMEDIATELY. A decision is usually made within two-weeks.

Q) Am going on leave in real life. Is it worth me applying?
A) No. The two week process is a critical time for all applications and it's your time to impress. If you're not around, how can we assess whether you are suitable and vice versa?

Q) I am a member of a corp that is RED to you! Will I be shot at?
A) You are not BLUE until 1) You have been invited into a fleet and 2) joined our semi-public chat channel and subjected to active assessment. Both conditions will usually be completed together, but until they are met, beware.

Q) Do I have to drop down to -10 security status?
A) If you want to pod people and tackle them at gates, then your security status will drop. Enjoy your flashy status. Wear it as a badge of honour.

Q) Do you have access to 0.0 space?
A) We are free to roam anywhere and we do make frequent forays into 0.0 space, where the carebear is usually fatter but the space less populated. We mainly operate in low-sec.

Q) How about logistics - do you have a way to replace ships and ammo?
A) We do but only available to fully-fledged corporation members.

Q) How do you make isk?
A) Nearly all of us make all our isk from piracy. Whether through ransoms or loot drops. We have even scanned down empty ships and acquired them or forced a pilot to eject from their ship during a ransom. All loot sales are equally split up between all combatants involved. We have a unique and innovative automated system of loot inventory and sales. Check out: http://i-pirate.blogspot.com/search/label/loot

Q) Can I carebear when things are quiet?
A) Up to you but don't make it a habit. Much prefer for you to go out and make some noise.

Q) I have a main but want to pirate on an alt - can I?
A) No. Full-time pirates only please. Inactive corp members will first get their hangar access rights suspended then they get booted unless they have given prior notice to their AFKness.

Q) Can I do solo piracy?
A) Of course you can, just don't turn down too many fleet ops. Otherwise, why bother joining up?

Q) Do you have many blues?
A) Nope: only 2 corps are blue to us. One is our sister corp, The Hellcats. The only all-female pirate corp in New Eden. If you don't behave, they will discipline you.

Q) Do you have a forum?
A) Yes, very active and very informative. Access to corp members on successful application.

Q) You have a killboard?
A) http://www.the-bastards.com/kb

Q) Do you use teamspeak or mumble?
A) No, we use ventrilo and (rarely) EVE-Voice.

Q) You have a KB awards system? Cool!
A) Indeed - check out medals and ribbons here: http://the-bastards.com/kb/?a=corp_detail&crp_id=8275&view=rank_ribbons and we also have kill of the month with prizes.

Q) What about ranks? I need a rank right?
A) Of course, all that killing has to be recognised somewhere if only to boss others around, so yes - we have a ranking system too: http://the-bastards.com/kb/?a=corp_detail&crp_id=8275&view=pilot_ranks&page=1

Q) All of this sounds awesome, how do I get into the corp?
A) Step 1: Fill out the application which is located in the forums and you will be contacted in game. Watch your spelling please.

Just an update from Flashfresh.

Just wanted to give a shout out to all those readers who have emailed/evemailed me - I am fine and doing well. I have been with my mother most of this and last month: she's still in hospital and it's been a slow process for her. Another two weeks at least before she can be discharged but she's already got a secondary infection (bloody NHS!)

One never ever assumes that sickness and injury will be visited onto one's own family and when it does happen; your world tilts on it's axis and it can be difficult to find balance.

Naturally, my online time has been nil - though there's been many an occasion where I wanted to log in, jump onto vent and link it up my pirate brother and sisters and find plunder and ransoms. When I finally had time to check the forums after a long hiatus, it was with some sadness to see three of our pirate brothers leave the group - one entirely from New Eden while the other two went to other pastures anew. Our CEO was unavailable due to his own crisis and most of the board of directors were unavailable as well. However, the vitality of any corporation is from the injection of new blood and ideas and the newer members have largely stepped up and continued the looting and killing in our finest traditions. Check this tasty triple combo meal: a thanny, hulk and orca. Well done to Gorgoleon for (I think) organising it. He's turning out to be a right nasty Bastard. In the finest sense of course and younger pilots can learn a lot from him. He is an acknowledged expert in most things Minmatar, so seek him out if you want to find out about fitting a typhoon or maelstrom or cyclone. He's your man.

Happy San and Kamoonga and Persephone too. I love them all. Oh, just wanted to give a shout out to Happy San... he's been working hard on our ransom board and has a stylish blog to boot. Kamoonga is a killer of the highest order and Persephone has been fitting her size nines wonderfully in The Bastards.

So yes, pilot churn is inevitable in New Eden: no-one actually gets paid to log in daily and one's interest can wane quite quickly especially when the corp has too loose a structure with no organisation and active leadership. Luckily, The Bastards are not like that, we have, though it is far from perfect, organisation, structure and RoninData's distinctive style of leadership. An active forum and killboard and free corp resources as well. I can say the same for our sister corporation, The Hellcats though it is an interesting contest over who cracks the whip harder: Mynxee or RoninData. Both are excellent leaders with vision and so long as they're leading, others will follow.

A new cycle of recruitment will be starting very soon; we still have a few holdovers from previous cycles but each has a special case for retention. I hope to be involved in the next recruitment cycle, we've had to up the skill point limit to 6M now and would prefer more. There were some discussions to keep the skill point limit to 4M as a deference to The Bastards roots as a bunch of sweaty, inexperienced but enthusiastic pirates but pragmatism won the day.

This should be a the ideal way for me to keep involved in The Bastards considering my reduced time. I have been told that our new and improved FAQ will be made available and visible on our website so that most of our enquiries can be answered without the need for a personal reply.

Other news: The Bastards alliance is reforming and we've dropped all our war declarations - it's a tad expensive for an alliance to war dec it would seem and since we're poor pirates, our income being solo from piracy, it was, again, the wise and pragmatic decision. In this alliance we bring in The Hellcats as before. Makes the synchronisation of standings so much easier now! Finally, Flashfresh is on Twitter, join in and er, tweet away.

I hope to be back very soon and will start to get involved in the new recruitment and then build up my flight time until I get my pilot's license back....

Thoughts of a pirate recruiters and me, a used car salesman?

The last two weeks has been quite busy for me and The Bastards - recruitment has been open for two weeks and we have plenty of exciting prospects coming into the corporation. Some older, less active members may need to make way for these newer chaps as The Bastards continue to expand, renew and reinvigorate. It is a good time to be here, active, flying in space and fighting for a spot on roaming gangs.

No room for complacency and this is a good thing.

We are about to close the recruitment cycle again in order to keep on top of things.

Let me make some things clear: I manage the recruitment side of things inasmuch as usually being the first contact point with applicants before they are handed over to one of four nominated recruiters who take on the candidate until a vote is cast on their application. These recruiters of ours are either senior members or directors of the corporation. I also take on a fair number of applications myself as does Mynxee with her Alliance director hat on.

We currently have twenty two applications and we have rejected three already and there are eight more we're about to chop or ask them to withdraw. The last bunch of about a dozen are coming through to the two week mark where the initial vote is cast between the recruiters and a random selection of corp mates who have been flying with a particular candidate.

Have had some varying responses so far: some failed candidates take on board the reasons why their application was rejected, many see it as positive and have vowed to fill in their knowledge gaps. Others less so.

In the last three months since I took over the rather haphazard recruitment process, we have had many successes. With the newer pilots doing a tremendous amount of damage in isk as well as ransoms. Some eventually washed out or moved onto other corps and this sort of personnel-churn is inevitable. We're still looking for more suitable pilots.

Out of some fun and interest I decided to check the master list where I keep track of all recruits that have ever crossed my desk. This list has information on their stage in the process, whether they've been accepted or rejected or withdrawn and my notes. While the more detailed discussion is confidential and internal to the corporation, here's a summary:

Total candidates applied since October 2008: 113
Candidates accepted: 29
Candidates withdrawn: 29
Candidates rejected: 35
Candidates in queue: 21

A candidate's application is usually withdrawn if there's been no more communication from the applicant for over two-weeks. This has happened a lot, where the initial communication between both parties were enthusiastic and positive but then, it peters out. It could be a fault in our own processes but when the applicant doesn't log on and makes no effort to keep in touch, we have little choice but to withdraw the application. An email or a chat informing us of other important events and responsibilites would have been useful to both groups. Most withdrawn applications never get reactivated. So far, only one candidate who was withdrawn, re-approached us to continue the application process.

Those that get rejected are for a number of reasons. Some I can share and they include:

1. No working mic, despite repeated attempts at getting one. You need one eventually!
2. Refused to hand over limited API key - screenshots not allowed!
3. Prematurely sending in an application to the corp - when it was stated clearly that this would be instant rejection.
4. Really sloppily filled in application form - looks like you don't care, so neither do we.
5. Dodgy employment history - jumping from corp to corp, staying no more than four weeks in each. Some employment histories had over 35 corporations. It looks like you wander around and can't stay in one place - so chances are, you'll leave us too. So, bye-bye.
   
6. Smack talker. You love smack, and have smack template in your bio. Then bye, bye.
   
7. Being a dick in the interview. 'Nuff said.
   
8. Really, inexperienced in pvp and didn't match the character SP level - character was purchased or given to applicant.
   
9. Not a good fit - chemistry isn't there.
   
10. Evasive - not sending in API key, logging off when we convo him, dropping out of vent when asked a question.
    
11. Character is a corp thief and proud of it. We're not interested.
    
12. Irritating git and doesn't listen to orders and wanders off when in fleet.
13. Acting like a child when internet space ship blew up. Learn to align and warp out dumbass.
    
14. Account sharing with loved one. Very sweet but NO.
    
15. My pirate toon is not my main. I have it for fun only. We're pirates full time, so bye-bye.
    

Most common knowledge gaps that I have found in a fair few of the applicants include not knowing how to use the directional scanner properly or understanding what can cause a global criminal countdown and the difference that is from an 'ordinary' aggression count-down. There is still the dreaded 'hidden' countdown that sometimes results in your ship being popped as it undocks.

Ship fits are usually okay for the most part but some are, well - odd. Warp core stabilisers are a strict no-no. As is fitting frigate guns on a battle ship, because you didn't have the skills for bs sized guns. Also, fly only what you can afford to lose - don't undock with your faction fitted megathron. SELL the faction fitted megathron and buy a dozen of well-fitted thorax class cruisers and go on a roam! You'll have lots of fun.

There's also a number of applicants who do well in the interview, decent skill set and they're active but they're don't 'get it' about piracy and yes, dropping to -10 in sec status is consequence of your new life style so embrace it.

A bit of a ramble but it hasn't been all desk bound recruitment work. I did go out and FC a couple of fleets over the week and it was fun. One evening we had a mixed gang and popped a well fit abaddon in our frigates. The abaddon was piloted by a pirate from the corp, 'The United' and we tackled and then popped him in our frigates. That was fun and we had a chance to see some of our applicants do their stuff and I was, in the main, impressed with them. The roam ended up with us in 0.0 space where we took out a munnin only for us to be eventually bubbled up on one side of the gate. I lost my rifter and someone else their rupture. Still, not a bad trade. Each night there's a roaming gang moving out, most roams are successful so plenty of loot to be had by all.

Actually, The United have been the news for a fair few weeks - a number of subjects ranging from what appeared to be a failed attempt to over Neo Spartan territory to The United being accused of manipulating their kill board to some other inane bit of forum driven drivel.

Ah drama and fun times indeed.

Ranks and Ribbons and Recruitment.

There's now a flurry of activity at the corp as our killboard has been updated to include ranks, ribbons and rewards. Sure, I know that many corps have had this feature but for us, the novelty is still new and has invigorated some of our pilots to ever more deeds of daring and yarring.

I love the new RANK and RIBBONS now available as well as the rewards. The new KB has been improved to include both kills and losses, so at a glance one can see combat activity in the last few days. Additionally, we have automatic kill mail posting; in the heat of any combat some pilots simply forget to post their kills and losses. Now, this should be a thing of the past.

The new cycle of recruitment is open - here's the forum link and the EVE-O link for those who are considering joining The Bastards. We are looking for pirates / pilots who are experienced enough to use a directional scanner correctly as well as understanding the GCC mechanics in low-security space. Prior experience in piracy is a bonus but importantly, one needs to 'get it' about piracy in New Eden and who has an instant chemistry with the current members. No alts or part-timers please.

Piracy isn't all pretty explosions and ransoms. Sometimes it can be downright depressing. Feast or Famine is the only way to describe piracy.

So for your information our previous cycle was successful with the following statistics:

January to March 2009 Recruitment Intake
Total Applicants: 29
Instant rejection due to failing to complete form as directed: 2
Rejection due to failing basic security, AGE and API checks: 3
Rejection due to failed interview (ex. no vent): 2
Rejected due to inexperience in piracy: 8
Rejected due to other reasons: 11
Passed and accepted on a three-month probationary period: 3

The average time for a decision to be made on an application has been decided as two-weeks from being invited into our roaming fleets. Then, around day 14 there is a vote between amongst the recruitment officers on a 'yes' or 'no' to the application with the CEO having a deadlock breaking vote. However, we did slip up very badly with a couple of recruits whom completely split the recruitment officers complete with abstentions. This resulted in an unacceptable period of delay. So our system isn't perfect but we've put in processes to get round it. Basically, if you impress the recruitment officers and the corp pilots with your skills, kills and banter in the first two weeks; then your chances are good. If there's any doubts by anyone, we tend to take a closer look and there is a likelihood of the application being delayed or withdrawn or rejected.

The recruitment process is an unforgiving process, minor mistakes count more during this period of scrutiny than any other time and first impressions count as well. Unfortunately, this is about human nature and now with a time-constraint to ensure that we make a timely decision, it does mean that applicants need to be on the ball.

Anyway, we already have nine applications being looked at and some of the aspiring pirates are very impressive. Good luck to them all....now where are my damn medals?

Some applicants are dangerous to your health...

"Thank you for your time, we will be in touch...." Said Flash, a smile plastered on his face like a death mask. As the fifteenth candidate disappeared out of the door; Flash slumped against it and rubbed his temples.

The Bastards have been processing applicants from would-be pirates for the last month. It was exhausting work. A large number of speculative candidates had been making their way through the various back doors and moneyed middle-men to final make contact with one of The Bastards recruitment officers. Their journey itself was a testament to their willingness and desire for pirating through their handing over of quantities of isk to unknown and most likely unsavory people, avoiding CONCORD informants, honey-traps and other organisations eager for new blood.

Flashfresh was a pirate for many years now and took the job of recruitment officer seriously. However, some days it was damn tiring. Candidate eight-two was a part of the reason for his tiredness this morning. Voluptuous, full-lipped with a cleavage you can park a tempest battle ship in, she was very keen to make an impression on him and with a grin, Flash touched the scratch marks on his chest and stomach where through her over-excitement and exertion she had reached back and round and dug her nails into him and screamed 'you Bastards, you utter Bastards!"

Interrupting this most pleasant memory, a red light on his communication pad winked on. He thumbed it.

"Yes Macy?"

"Candidate Number 52 is here. He's early." Stated Macy, the serious minded, knife-throwing assistant, her accent clear cut like crystal glass. Flash looked down at the candidate and quickly absorbed the data. The force-fed-learning implant throbbed slightly as tera-bytes of data streamed into his short-term memory. The candidate's mental profile, employment history and bits of dirt dragged up during the initial application process streamed into his mind.

"Send him into the office in two minutes. I need to take a leak." Muttered Flash as he ambled off towards the ablutions room. A long stream of urine later and the pirate was back in the office. Candidate 52 was already seated and ready. A tall, bald headed Amarrian. He turned at the sound of Flash's entrance.

"Sir." He said, inclining his head slightly. Flash nodded back, reached out and offered his hand; Candidate 52 looked at the hand and glanced at the ablution block and back again and gingerly held Flash's meaty fist. He made a great effort to hide his discomfort. The shake was as enthusiastic as a dead fish.

That's one strike against you thought Flash as he sat down. A pirate need not be squeamish. Flash then scanned the documents in silence and allowed the quiet to stretch out. Candidate 52 shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Flash did not say a word, just muttered to himself a few times and nodded to himself. Candidate 52 shifted again and nervously cleared his throat.

"Sir? When will my interview start?"

Flash looked up.

"It started the moment you entered this station."

"Oh, erm...." Candidate 52 shifted once more and a sheen of perspiration slowly appeared.

After a lengthy, meditative wait. Flash looked up, the reflection of the Amarrian staring back at him from Flash's matte black and very expensive shades.

"So you want to join us and be a pirate?" Asked Flash.

"Yes sir. Yes sir, it's what I have always wanted to do. Empire space is boring. I want to make isk and be famous." He paused for dramatic effect. "I want to be as famous as you Mr Fresh."

Oh please.

"Your application is very good: experience in all the right areas, very good employment history. Credit line is worthy and no inflammatory posts in any of the GalNet forums." Reported Flash, reciting the information from his enhanced short term memory.

"Yes sir. I have no dirt and come with excellent references."

With a squeal of the chair; Flash stood up and back. "I like your honesty Candidate 52."

"My real name is -" Flash raised his hand quickly and put his fingers to his lips. His eyes flashed dangerously. "I don't want to know your name. You're Candidate 52 for now and that's all there is to know."

"I want in with The Bastards, I want to be famous and - " Flash firmly focused on the loquacious individual.

"Have you ever held a cruiser class steady under continuous sentry gun fire while tackling a target? Do you know how to properly fit a cruiser to last a minimum of ten seconds for this scenario?"

"Yes, I think. You will need to weld one no, two 1600mm plates and -" Flash cut him off with a sharp gesture.

"How do you scan down multiple targets in a cluster of five to six belts under three seconds?"

"Er, you - revise your overview settings and adjust the gamma settings-"

Flash leaned in closer. "Maelstrom-class, artillery or auto-canon fit?"

"Sir, please slow down."

"When your pod is about to pop out - what's the best strategy to save it?"

Candidate 52's mouth flapped with no sound, like a grounded fish. Flash clamped both of his hands on the shoulder's of the young Amarrian and leaned in close; voice hard as flint.

"You know the theory but you don't have the experience. You've read the books and the 'casts but you have never done it. Not for real." The would-be pirate tried to look up but Flash moved his hands to either side of the Amarrian's cranium and held it firm. Directing his gaze to the blackness outside, Flash continued. "Look outside with your eyes. Your real eyes. Your destiny and fate is out there. So is your death. You may be a capsuleer but that only means that you can sleeve yourself into a new meat sack when the old one dies. Do you know what happens to you when you get reborn? Have you ever been podded? It's not pleasant and you always die just a little, after repeated rebirths - some pilots go insane."

"I, I." Gulped Candidate 52 and he tried to get up. Flash held him down firmly.

"The life of a pirate is about being one step ahead of the bullet with your name on it. You can kiss the cozy empire life good bye but you gain freedom, absolute freedom to realise what you were meant to be. Thing is, are you brave enough to find out just how good you are in the grand scheme of things?"

"My destiny is to be a famous pirate!" Candidate 52 blurted, finally finding his tongue. "I have a ten million isk bounty, didn't you know?"

"That may be, but you have to start somewhere. We need our pilots, even the youngest ones to have experienced the low-sec life already. You, I am afraid to say, haven't." Flash's expression softened slightly. He continued, "Look - I advise you to try and sign up with EVE-Uni or Agony Unleashed and get some basic experience in fighting against other capsuleers. Get some kills under your belt, and the bounty amount means nothing. Do you understand?"

Crestfallen, Candidate 52 sat there, all the air out of him but he nodded.

Feeling foolish, Flash tried to sound cheerful. He even considered patting the poor fellow on his back but quashed this feeling instantly.

"It's not the end of he world, we're just not suitable for a pilot of your experience. You will not enjoy it. Tell you what: I will hold this application and will fast-track when you re-apply later this year. How does that sound?"

Candidate 52 only responded with a grunt.

Flash led the failed applicant towards the door and slid it open. With a gently push, Flash bade Candidate 52 a farewell. Flash exchanged a glance with Macy who was sitting there manicuring and preening herself. She did look attractive, in the same way that one would appreciate the sleek functional form of well-used hand gun.

"Candidate four is in the toilet; I will send her in when she's out." She paused long enough to electronically send the full file of the next candidate to Flash.

"Thanks, give me a minute okay?"

The door slid closed and Flash rubbed his temples more. As he made his way back to his table he reviewed candidate four's details: decent application with some very impressive skills in Gallente ships. Flash paused and looked out through the plasteel viewing port at the undock ramp of this station. There was knock on the door and the door slid open. With his back still turned to the entrance. Flash motioned vaguely to where the chair was located.

"Sit down candidate four and relax."

"Thank you very much." Said a man's voice; deep and rich.

Flash started to turn and caught himself. Candidate four is a woman. Too slow, Flash's expensive sun-glasses flew off his face in one direction while his head was cracked the other way from a well placed haymaker punch. Momentarily losing his balance, his world exploding in shock and pain, Flash crashed back into his cabinet - unable to focus at all. His assailant was on him before he had completely fallen onto the floor, hauling him upright and raining blows on his head and face with his fists.

The air exploded out of Flash's lungs from a well placed knee and he tasted blood in his mouth. Feebly putting up his hands to protect his face, the assailant changed attack and kneed and kicked the lower half of Flash's body. Fighting against this lightning strike, all Flash could do was to hurl himself backward out of the way...and crashed through the thin door of the toilet. He found himself sprawled with his right arm in the toilet bowl. Part of him was glad that he flushed but before another thought appeared, the assailant had grabbed Flash by his ears and smashed his head on the toilet bowl rim. There was a dull thunk and Flash gasped as his vision was lost in an explosion of pain. Dimly, he could hear his assailant yelling something. Losing a tooth and spitting more blood out, Flash flailed randomly and managed to connect both of his hands around the neck of this unrelenting attacker. He squeezed and tried to rise up. It was at this time, that Flash realised he was taller and bigger than his attacker and, blinking blood out of his left eye, pushed himself and his attacker back into the main room. The chair they landed on splintered into matchwood.

Rolling around, Flash managed to get on top. He didn't release his strangle grip on his assailant nor did the attacker let go of Flash's ears. He gurgled out a stream of words.

"-bastards! your ruined me! you said I was good to join and then rejected me! REJECTED ME!"

It was candidate seventeen. Flash remembered him, 'Bradley' was his call-name and he had passed the interview and checks but eventually rejected after a two-week probation for insubordination and general stupidity. What was his real name thought Flash, now eyeing this rapidly expiring man underneath him.

"Let-go-of-my-ears!" Yelled Flash, as he continued to throttle Bradley whose eyes were now starting to bulge out of his head and veins starting to throb on is forehead. "My ears you son of a bitch....."

The grip on his ears slowly released as impending unconsciousness slowly crept over Bradley. As soon as he could, Flash let go of his strangulation hold and quickly rolled off him. His head throbbing, lungs heaving and blood in his mouth, Flash staggered off towards his desk and pulled out his hand gun. Pointing it unsteadily at Bradley, still lying on the floor and gasping for air. Flash cocked the gun and glanced around the room. He saw that a chair was jammed against the door handle and there was a thumping sound from the other side. Staggering over there but keeping an eye on the still gasping form on the ground. Flash unjammed the door and was almost hurled back as Macy, followed by two burly guards barged in. All were armed, Macy with a wicked looking stiletto.

Flash just pointed towards Bradley. Taking a look at the Flash's face and the ruined room, Macy figured out quickly what was to be done.

"Take this gentleman and throw him out of the nearest air lock."

Grunting, the two guards picked up Bradley like a sack of potatoes and made their way out.

Flash sat down, gun still in his hand and eyed Macy warily.

"How could you let this man in? Candidate Four is -"

"A woman and now lying dead in the gent's toilet." Finished Macy. "That chap must have been waiting for his chance to get back in and to get revenge. He wasn't such a good pilot anyways and cost us a potentially new one too."

"A woman you say? Damn, Mynxee will be pissed." Muttered Flash as he groped around for something to stem the bleeding cuts on his face. He found a hand towel and put his gun away.

"Macy, please can you hold all further applications from psychopaths, the mentally unstable, the wannabe pirate and the clinical insane nymphomaniacs." Flash sat down heavily, pressing the towel to his face and pouring a sizeable measure of spirits. Slurping noisily, he sat back and reconsidered. "Actually, that last bit sounded quite good. Only nymphomaniacs need to apply, at least for the next couple of days."

"Flash, I think you need to get back into space and fly a real space ship not that desk. You haven't been space-side for almost a month. When was the last ransom you were in? Last ship you solo'ed? Besides, you're a right pain in the ass when you're stressed." Said Macy as exited the office and before Flash could reply, the door was closed.

"Nymphos and exotic dancers! Macy, you hear? Only let in nymphos and exotic dancers!" Flash slumped back into his seat and wondered just when he could undock and do some pirating. A winking 'new message' icon flashed up, insisting on his attention and knocking back the drink, he reluctantly checked the message. The message was simple and to the point:

'C*cksucker. Gonna kill you. I know where you live. It will be REDRUM for you.'

Wonderful. Another stalker. Sometimes, recruitment isn't all that fun you know?