2 Oct 2008

Rorqual for the taking...Megathron of FAIL


Rorqual

"Say again? Rorqual?" I repeated. I wasn't too sure if I had heard it right.

"RORQUAL AT THE ROKO GATE IN GULT. POINTED." Said RoninData, increasingly sounding exasperated as no one in the corp believed him. Many were openly questioning his sanity. I mean, who would be bringing in a rorqual into low-sec space AND get himself caught on a gate? Having said that, I could still smell pay day and had scrambled my ship and crew.

"I AM NOT JOKING. RORQUAL ON ROKO GATE. GET YOUR ASSES HERE NOW!" Ordered RoninData; his patience quite clearly thin. There was an operation already underway with the bulk of the pirates, involving ransoms and indiscriminate thuggery. These pirates had global criminal countdowns to consider. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend this operation - having to tend to my many sale orders in order to keep the isk flowing in, but I could get into my ship and complete the four jumps to the Ronin's position.

Back in space, my hurricane was operating smoothly and I had to turn down the volume on the corporation chat channel as other available pirates were all being vectored into Ronin's position. Many espousing complete disbelief. However, on they came; drawn by the prospect of a kill and loot or maybe a ransom.

"HOLY SHIT! HE EJECTED! HE EJECTED!" Exploded RoninData. This was getting more and more fun. I urged my ship onward to get to RoninData and arrived just in time for Tibberg to podkill the bemused pilot. We laughed. We cried. We did the ewok-dance.

What was he thinking of? No doubt, the rorqual pilot was confused about the status of his ship. Maybe he thought it was the much-rumoured orca-class rather than the rorqual? I could just imagine what was going through the mind of the unfortunate pilot, 'Flexflexen' as he luxuriated in his shiny new Rorqual. Now take it away Flex...

Flexflexen> (thinking aloud to himself) 'Mmmmmm I love this ship. Can't wait to pound some rocks with this baby..'

Flexflexen> Rokofur gate control, this is the ZeeCon Corporation mining ship, Flexflexen's Rorqual, requesting permission to jump.

Rokofur gate control> Negative Flexflexen. Only sub-capitals can go through the type-1 and type-2 star gates.

Flexflexen>Er, ok.

Rokofur gate control> Please can you back up and move out of the travel lanes. Thank you. Have a nice day.

Flexflexen>Er, ok.

Flex tries to activate the gates anyway, surely the job-worths on the gate are playing with him, holding him there just so they can oggle the ship?

Rokofur gate control> Flexflexen. This is Rokofur gate control. Stop trying to bump the gate. You can't come through. You risk damaging your ship, other legitimate travellers and the gate. Cease all forward momentum and back up.

Flex continues to fire off gate activation commands and spamming the big, red ACTIVATE button on his dashboard, hammering away at it like a monkey on speed.

Rokofur gate control> Flexflexen. This is Rokofur gate control. What the hell are you doing? You can't come through this gate. You're TOO BIG. Understand? You are a capital-class ship. You can't use star gates.

Flexflexen> But, I want to go to Rokofur...

Rokofur gate control> You can't enter, sorry. Now please will you be so kind as to move away from the travel lanes. Have a nice day.

Now completely confused. Flexflexen tries once more and fires up the engines and tries to force the ship through.

Flexflexen> But, I want to go to Rokofur...

Rokofur gate control> Flexflexen. Stop! Stop it NOW! Are you a fool? You need to get a cynosural field opened up and for you to jump through it. You can not force the ship through. By the Gods!

Flexflexen> A cyno-, what?

There is a minute's stunned silence.

Rokofur gate control> Flexflexen. You are joking right? You do know what a cyno field is and how they are essential for capital-class vessel travel requirements?

Flexflexen>No.....

Rokofur gate control> Oh my God. You're a fool. Do you have any friends or corporation mates online who can generate a cyno-field for you?

Flexflexen>I don't know.

Rokofur gate control>Well talk to them damn it and explain the situation. It's quite clearly, that despite your capsuleer status; you're actually a clue-less idiot. Look, at the very least, can you move your ship off the gate? You can try and dock; there are stations here.

Flexflexen> But, I want to go to Rokofur....

Rokofur gate control>I do NOT care. Just back up and do what I tell you.

Flexflexen> But, I want to go to Rokofur....

The Rorqual-class ship nudges forward once more, convinced that if he can catch an outgoing ship he will be able to slipstream into the next destination.

Rokofur gate control>God damn it Flexflexen. Stop it now!

Flexflexen, now thoroughly confused, bemused with panic building, repeatedly tried to ram the rorqual. He ignored the frantic calls from the gate control as he became fixated with the gate. The very definition of insanity.

However, little did he know that his ship was already spotted and his doom was approaching; the rest is here.

So now the corp has a Rorqual and free jump clones for us. We're also now offering jump clones to anyone for a very decent fee. Yarr.

GOLEM
After scanning and keeping an eye out, the Bastards' information channel went absolutely wild. A Golem-class marauder was spotted. Pirates mobilised and after an hour of sparring - the fight was on; the golem went down under the combined firepower of The Bastards and M34N corp and the butcher's bill was high but much respect to ClawSteel from Bad Passion for having the balls to bring the ship out to play. This ship is currently being sold for between 750-800million isk. A phenomenal amount of money to risk in low-sec but hats off to BAP for bringing it. Yes, we did outnumber them 2 v 1 but we wanted that Golem kill.

Other news:
  • Mynxee ( a fellow blogger) graced the Independence Channel and said hi. She has to come down to our neck of the woods and say 'hi' with her crew.
  • Some lolmails: Megathron fitted with cruiser weapons. Another chap who shouldn't be flying a battleship! He was with a harbinger friend and my last blog post was cut short as I had spied them in local. Also, a hurricane who had most things fitted for all eventualities in low sec.
  • Loots; there is almost an endless debate about if piracy pays. When I was operating solo, it was tough though not impossible. I hit paydirt occasionally and my overheads were very low. With a larger group - everything starts to get easier. With piracy you live off ransoms, the loot (salvage and dropped items) and pilots paying us protection money. It does work. Check out a very random assortment of loot. It is a fraction of the loot we have collected over the last couple of weeks. The entire list would mean it will go over two pages. I just wanted to show peeps that piracy, done correctly, does pay and very well..
Loot:

  • 1 x Adaptive Nano Plating II
  • 2 x N-Type Apative Nano Membrane
  • 2 x BCU II
  • 1 x DCU II
  • 1 x ECM Multispec II
  • 3 x Heavy Ion Blaster II
  • 1 x Alumel-Wired I Sensor Booster
  • 4 x Warp Disruptor II
  • 3994 x Caldari Navy Antimatter charge S
  • 3 x Hobgob II
  • 1 x Hornet II
  • 1 x Cap Recharger II
  • 1 x Mag Stab II
  • 1 x 1mn MWD II
  • 1 x Armor Explosive II
  • 1 x Armor Kinetic II
  • 2 x MAR II
  • 1 x SAR II
  • 1 x Prototype Cloaking Device
  • 4 x Heavy Ion Blaster II
  • 1 x Standard Missile II
  • 1 x Remote Sensor Damp II
  • 4 x Hammerhead II
  • 1 x DCU II
  • 3 x Ion Blaster Cannon II
  • 1 x Mag Stab II
  • 1 x Shield Boost Amp II
  • 1 x Warp Disruptor II
  • 1 x 1600mm Reinforced Tungsten
  • 1 x BCU II
  • 2 x Arbalest Cruise
  • 3 x PDS II
  • 1 x XL-Shield Booster II
  • 1 x 10mn AB II
  • 1 x Armor Explosive II
  • 1 x Armor Kinetic II
  • 1 x MAR II
  • 4 x Cruise Missle Launcher II
  • 1 x PDS II
  • 1 x 10mn AB II
  • 1 x 10mn MWD II
  • 1 x MAR II
  • 1 x Medium Cap Battery II
  • 1 x Cap Recharger II
  • 1 x DCU II
  • 1 x Heat Sink II
  • 1 x Nanofiber II
  • 2 x Infiltrator II
  • 1 x Y-T8 Afterburner
  • 1 x Improved Cloaking Device II
  • 3 x Medium Energy Neut II
  • 1 x Medium Nos II
  • 2300 x Hail M
  • 2 x Dual 180mm AC II
  • 3 x Hammerhead II
  • 1 x MAR II
  • 3 x Heavy Ion Blaster II
  • 1 x Mag Stab II
  • 1 x HML II
  • 2 x PDS II
  • 2 x LSE II
  • 1 x Invuln II
  • 2 x Warrior II
  • 1 x 10mn AB II
  • 1 x Shadow Serpentis AB
  • 1 x Armor Thermic Hardender II
  • 1 x EANM II
  • 2 x LAR II
  • 1 x Heavy Cap Booster II
  • 2 x Cap Power Relay II
  • 2 x Cap Recharger II
  • 1 x DCU II
  • 1 x ECM - Multispec II
  • 1 x Mag Stab II
  • 1 x HML II
  • 1 x OD II
  • 3 x 220mm AC II
  • 2 x Large Shield Transporter II
  • 1 x Web II
  • 1 x Tracking Computer II
  • 1 x Tracking Enhancer II
  • 2 x Warrior II
  • 1 x 10mn AB II
  • 1 x EANM II
  • 1 x Heavy Cap Booster II
  • 1 x Heavy Unstable Neut
  • 2 x Dual Heavy Laser II
Not to forget the Rorqual we liberated.

Goodness me; there's still a lot more but that will be for the next blog post.

26 comments:

Fholcan said...

Excellent post, mate. Really enjoyed the way you portrayed Flexflexen's state of mind as he was sitting at that gate :P

Ga'len said...

I can't really post a lot in way of a comment as I can't really see, I am crying from laughing so hard. Awesome grab mate!!!

Hallan Turrek said...

Wow, just wow.

It boggles the mind as to what certain people are thinking sometimes, but I think you captured it beautifully.

Hilarious.

Mynxee said...

Great take on what the pilot was thinking....which appears to be "nothing" LOL!!! Wow people can be dumb in EVE. Like the guy who bought a "Caldari Navy Rifter" for 15M from a pal of mine off contracts. And then convo'd him to ask "It's just a plain Rifter? Not even any modules?" LOLOLOLs...this AFTER having accepted the contract. DOH.

Mynxee said...

Oh, by the way, I've got the itch to come and "say hi" so look for me to wander up your way next few days. Hope that a) some good 1v1's are to be found and that b) it's not too hard to replace what I am surely about to lose. *wink*

Manasi said...

Holy crap I laughed so hard reading that! Too funny! Gratz on the loot!

Anonymous said...

Flexflexen> But, I want to go to Rokofur....
LMAO

A friend

Pegleg Punk said...

I loved your rendition of Flaxflexen's characterization! That list of loot drops is reminiscent of a ship-fitting buffet line! Talk about all you can heat!
Excellent work, sir. I congratulate you and the rest of the Bastards.

Ombey said...

OMG he ejected?! I am also impressed that you had someone in corp who could get in it and fly it away.

Nice write-up of the hapless pilot's chat with the gate control :)

Flashfresh said...

Yes Omb' the pilot EJECTED and left the rorqual just hanging around near the gate. The mind boggles.

F

Carrie Nightingale said...

Priceless! Odds are he still doesn't understand why he couldn't "go to Rokofur".

Well done guys. :-)

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